Weight watchers

That’s what Tom and I have become…. again. It’s not our own weight that we’ve been watching – neither of us need to do that – it’s our baby’s weight that we’ve been watching. Oh and we’ve also been on nappy watch – you know you’re a new parent when you get so excited about the contents of a wet and/or dirty nappy! These are two of the indicators that a baby is getting enough food and is growing healthily.

We’ve been here before, when Andrew was a baby. He lost a lot of his birth weight (nearly 20%) in the first 6 days of life outside the womb. Although he initially put quite a bit back on when we started supplementing with formula as it took about 2 weeks for my breast milk to ‘come in’, it took him until almost a month old to regain his birth weight. After that his weight crept up very slowly for the next couple of months, only gaining an ounce or 2 a week instead of the average 6 ounces a week. This meant that he wasn’t following the curve that is charted on the growth graphs which come in the little red book that each baby in the country is given at birth, so the health visiting team can record their progress.

If a baby is following the curve of the graph, whether that be at the 98th percentile line or the 2nd percentile line, it’s recommended that you get them weighed about once every month. If they are not following a curve, you’re told to get them weighed more often. Andrew was on weekly weigh-ins until around 2.5 months, because he was creeping up so slowly and was lingering around the bottom of the chart. He never lost weight from one week to the next, but he wasn’t putting it on fast enough to follow the infamous curve.

At the time I found these weekly weigh days very stressful. I felt like there was a lot of pressure from the health visitors at the clinic to get his weight up, and I felt like a bad mum if he hadn’t gained enough each week to satisfy them; I used to dread putting him on the scales and could hardly look at the numbers settling down to give the final answer of a weight as he wriggled and cried at having no clothes on, poor thing. Even though my milk was supplemented with formula, I felt as though I was demand feeding as well as I possibly could, with the help of the SNS, so surely if his weight wasn’t going up according to the charts, that was at least partly just his way of growing, even if it didn’t conform to the curve.

This is what a blank weight chart looks like. This blue one is for boys, and girls get a pink one - nothing like a good old bit of perpetuating gender stereotypes.

Once he started eating solid foods alongside breastfeeding, the story changed. He soon started to climb up the curve much quicker, and suddenly made up for the slow start. We went from fortnightly to monthly weigh-ins, and the last one he had (until recently) was at his 1-year health check, as after that I was completely confident that he was putting weight on and growing well, just by looking at him. Out of interest, I had him weighed one day when the health visitor came round to weigh Joel, and he was just over the 75th percentile line.

Fast forward to now, and here we are with our second baby, weight watching again. Joel lost less weight at birth, and regained his birth weight within the 2 weeks that they like them too. A tick in the good parent box for us. He continued to gain well for about 8 weeks, cue more ticks in the good parent box, though he did drop slightly across the percentile lines on the chart. But the GP we saw for his 7 week check wasn’t concerned about this, as he’d always gained a decent amount each week and hadn’t plateaued off like Andrew had by that age. Once I did get quite annoyed by a comment from a health visitor at the weighing clinic when I put him naked on the scales: “He needs to fill out a bit”…. I’m sorry? “Fill out a bit?” I think you’ll find that’s just the way he is, he’s always been long and slim, and you should take a look at his dad!!

But then Joel got a cold with a horrible cough, and thrush in his mouth, both of which meant he was less bothered about feeding, even though I tried to be proactive and offer him as much as possible all the time. He dropped a couple more percentile lines by the next time we had him weighed, which happened to be at the GP because we went back as his thrush had returned (notoriously difficult to shift in babies). This was a different GP from the one at the 7 week check, and he was more concerned; he mentioned referral to a paediatrician if he didn’t regain some percentiles. But I know my baby, and I know there’s nothing wrong with him – well, other than a bad cold and thrush, and that’s enough to make anyone feel grumpy, not eat as much and lose weight (not that he ever lost WEIGHT, just flipping percentiles!!)

It was like Joel heard what the doc said though, and the next day he hit a massive growth spurt and guzzled milk like there was no tomorrow for a few days. Thankfully for me the milk machine, it settled down again, and by the time he was weighed the following week, he’d stepped up a good amount on the chart. Not sure if I got a tick in the good parent box for that, but I felt like I’d done a good job that week at least. A couple of weigh-ins later, and we’re now back to the normal monthly weigh-ins that all babies should get (if their parents listen to the health visitor); I guess we’ve got enough ticks now.

I feel happier now that we’re under less pressure for the time being, as I don’t want this to overshadow my enjoyment of looking after my boys, which I really love. Often I find myself wondering at what age being tall and slim goes from being undesirable to desirable. According to society, babies are supposed to be chubby and adults are supposed to be slim. And why should all humans grow to the same curve? I never thought biology was that exact. Maybe my babies grow to a more step-like graph that starts off with slower weight gain than the average baby – if they are anything like me, and I believe genetics predisposes them to that, they won’t be “normal”, and what is “normal” anyway – average? Not everyone can be average, there need to be some people at either extreme from which to calculate the average.

I understand that weight can be one indicator that a baby isn’t thriving, but I really wish that our medicalised society would look at the broader picture – my babies have always been very alert and active, reaching all their milestones at least on time if not earlier than average, and have generally been very happy as far as babies go. Plus, remember what I said about nappies up there? No problems in that department at the moment! Surely these things count when assessing if a baby needs medical attention or more artificial infant milk? To be fair, not all health professionals that we have met have clung so rigidly to the chart culture, and Joel’s health visitor has genrally been very positive when she’s come round to see us – it’s more the ship-em-in-ship-em-out clinics that I’ve found so annoying.

Oh and I think we could save ourselves all the stress by just moving to the moon for the first 6 months of my baby’s life – nobody has any weight there. A rather eccentric old physics teacher of mine once told the class that if people wanted to lose weight they should just go to the moon, and that the dieting brand should really be “Mass Watchers” – not as catchy a name, I know, but more physically correct 😉

Breastfeeding support: accurate info, practical help, listening ears

I am absolutely convinced that every mum needs support if she is going to reach her breastfeeding goals. Breastfeeding involves many factors (physical, hormonal, emotional, social, psychological etc.) that come together to create the unique journey of a breastfeeding pair comprised of mum and baby; the same mum can even have a completely different experience with two (or more) different children. Sometimes these factors create a very favourable situation, making the breastfeeding journey relatively straightforward, but in other cases these factors cause issues that make the journey a very difficult one.

The mums who do have a difficult time obviously need support, and I’ll come on to where you can find this in a moment. But even those who have no major issues need a certain amount of (perhaps subtle, in the background) support in the form of, for example, a helpful partner and/or family who understand why breastfeeding is important and how it works. As a society, we can all give moral support to all breastfeeding mums by making them feel welcome and normal in public places, not making them feel self-conscious and like they have to hide away. This is one of the most fundamental ways of supporting breastfeeding mums in general.

But on an individual level, what if you do encounter problems? What can you do about it, and where can you go to get support? The first thing to remember is that you are not alone – many mums experience issues ranging from relatively minor/temporary/easily fixable problems to more overwhelming/long term/unbearable problems. The second thing to remember is that there are sources of support out there, even though you might have to be quite pro-active in searching them out at a time when you’re already feeling exhausted. Our experience of breastfeeding could have been a lot worse and a lot shorter if we had not been lucky enough to find the right support at (more or less) the right time. I see breastfeeding support as encompassing three different aspects: accurate information, practical help, and listening to emotions.

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The obvious place you might think to look for support would be your midwife and/or health visitor. In our experience they were mixed in how helpful they were, and I know that this very much depends on the individuals and how much breastfeeding-specific training they have had and how recently they completed it. I gave birth in a midwife-led birth centre, and it was a very positive and empowering (as is currently the buzz word in birthing) experience. I cannot fault the support of the midwives there to get breastfeeding off to a good start: they allowed me to have a completely natural birth with no pain relief except a pool; Andrew was delivered straight onto my tummy and breastfed almost straight away by latching on of his own accord; we were not hurried onto the post-natal bay and were allowed lots of skin-to-skin time; they checked on us a lot during the night after he was born, constantly asking if I needed help with feeding, and even suggested I wake him after he’d slept so long without a feed – this was really important to stimulate my milk supply.

But we were only in hospital for about 12 hours after the birth. The problems came when I went home and we were in the care of my community midwife. She was (unfortunately) on annual leave during Andrew’s first week. Of course everyone needs a holiday and I’m not complaining about that, but when we rang her team because we were concerned that feeding wasn’t going well, we did not get the support we needed. Later that week he was admitted to hospital with dehydration and significant weight loss, and I felt let down by the community midwife team care.

When we came out of hospital the second time, and I was trying my hardest to give breastfeeding a go as well as continuing the formula supplements that the paediatricians had started, my community midwife told me that I should only keep him on the breast for 20 minutes at a time every three hours and then top-up with a bottle, to give my breasts time to ‘fill up’ again. At the time I believed her, but having read more about how breastfeeding works from La Leche League (LLL) resources, I know that this is rubbish! Breast milk is constantly being produced as soon as some leaves the breast – it’s more like a continuous stream than a bucket you have to fill, then empty, and then wait for it to fill again before taking any more out. Our health visitor wasn’t much better – with her it wasn’t so much the inaccuracy of her advice rather the lack of her visits. She came a couple of times, checked I was in a fit state to look after my baby, and then left us to get on with it. I could have made the effort to ring her, but by that time I had started to get support from my local LLL group and thought that was much more worthwhile than keeping in touch with a busy health visitor – these mums had time for me whenever I wanted advice (more on this in a moment).

However, the most crucial support we received in the first week was from the infant feeding specialist midwife at the hospital when we were on the paediatric ward. Looking back, it was, ironically, good that we went back into hospital. She introduced us to the SNS (at-breast supplementer that I talked about in my last post). Without this way of supplementing, with Andrew still getting as much breast milk as I was able to produce, I don’t think we’d still be breastfeeding today. This midwife’s support was helpful and, most importantly, she gave us accurate information.

So the moral of the story with health professionals is, in our experience, don’t be afraid to question their authority and seek a second opinion – in many cases their training on breastfeeding is very basic and often out-dated because it does not feature prominently in current training (even for midwives and health visitors). If you’re anything other than a perfect textbook case, you might find they give, out of ignorance, inaccurate or downright misleading information.

As I just mentioned, I got amazing support from my local LLL group. This is an international organisation represented in many countries across the world. In Great Britain there are groups who meet in various cities, towns and villages across the country. The mission of LLL is ‘to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.’ This is exactly what I found when I went to my first coffee morning, after I was lucky enough to meet one of the volunteer leaders at a breastfeeding drop-in clinic who encouraged me to come along as she knew I was struggling.

A flyer for our local LLL group, with lists of meeting and coffee morning dates inside, hanging on our notice board so I know where to meet each week 🙂

From what I’ve heard said by others, breastfeeding support organisations like this and others (e.g. NCT) in the UK can be seen as an exclusive group of well-off ladies who bang on about ‘breast is best’ and look down on those who feed their babies formula without persevering through difficulties. In my experience, nothing is further from the truth! I took formula (in the SNS) to meetings and was not shunned; I’ve seen mums take bottles to meetings and were not shunned. In fact it is mums like me that are made to feel particularly welcome, because mums at LLL meetings who have overcome problems themselves know exactly how it feels to be under all the different pressures and prejudices associated with how you feed your baby. All these mums wanted to do was help me in how I chose to feed my baby, by giving me accurate information, practical help and a genuinely interested listening ear when I was in floods of tears. At no point did I think that I would have been thought less of in that group for bottle feeding Andrew. Now they are some of my most respected mummy friends. I always look forward to seeing them once a week for continued support now that we’ve overcome our initial breastfeeding struggles and are into the toddler feeding stage, which comes with its own difficulties, such as the judgement from others that it’s not normal (it is normal – I’ll write more about this next week).

So the moral of the story with breastfeeding support groups is don’t be afraid to go – whatever your circumstances, your age, your income, your background, your breastfeeding journey (or lack of) so far, there will be other mums who would feel privileged to be able to help you in the way you need it most to meet your breastfeeding goals. It’s not just LLL groups (that’s what I had access to here in Cambridge); there are all sorts of other local groups run by mums for mums. Other organisations with such groups are the NCT and the ABM. Children’s Centres are a good place to look for these groups, as many of them meet there, or have links with the centres who put their leaflets/posters out. A google search would probably bring up a few hits in your local area. Or your midwife or health visitor might be only too pleased to pass on information about such groups if they are rushed off their feet with a huge caseload!

Last, but not least, I could not write a post about breastfeeding support without giving pride of place to Daddy and grandparents. I definitely could not have got through the hard times without Tom, my amazing husband. He has done everything possible to support me whilst breastfeeding, including practical help like making sure I had drink and food in the early weeks when I was constantly feeding, and emotional support by being my person to cry on at any time of day or night (he got very wet in the early weeks!) and making it clear to me every step of the way that he would be behind me 110% with whatever decision I made about feeding, whether I chose to persevere with breastfeeding or switch to bottle feeding. He never pressurised me either way, and has found many ways to help me and bond with Andrew without doing the feeding, for example bath time has always been Daddy and Andrew time. He understands how breastfeeding works (mainly from how much I rabbit on about what I’ve read about breastfeeding!) and is happy that I still feed Andrew now at 16 months – he knows it’s a natural thing because he sees on a daily basis how much Andrew and I get out of it. He also knows that I am now very passionate about sharing our experience of breastfeeding and supporting others, and doesn’t complain when I talk at him about it in the evening after a hard day at work 😉 Basically, Daddy is the best! He’s the most important source of support that I had and still have for breastfeeding.

Daddy with Andrew (aged 6 months)

But if your baby’s dad isn’t around for whatever reason, there’s no reason why you can’t have another person, for example your mum or another family member or close friend, to be that rock of support. I am also blessed to have very supportive parents who have been behind my decision to breastfeed despite tough struggles every step of the way. I guess they know me so well that they know there’s no point getting in the way when I’m determined to do something. In the early days and weeks they helped by doing lots of practical stuff for us, like housework, shopping and cooking, and they still do these things when they come to visit every few weeks on average. They too understand how breastfeeding works – it helps that my mum breastfed my brother and me at a time when there was much less support for it than there is now. This was particularly important in the early days: they weren’t the kind of family members who would come round and insist on constantly cuddling baby and questioning when I knew he wanted feeding; instead they of course enjoyed cuddles, but respected that I was the primary person who Andrew needed access to, to stimulate my milk supply and feed him as much as necessary. They knew that doing the housework themselves was more helpful than taking Andrew off my hands so that I could do it. Having people around you who understand these things is very important. Support is only helpful if it’s the right kind of support.

Granny and Grandad with Andrew (aged 14 months)

I hope that this post based on our experience of support for breastfeeding has been informative. Why not hop over to some other blogs and read about other sources of support that mums have found helpful? There are some links below, and more on the main website, where you can also find out more about the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger Hunt 2012. Don’t forget to enter the competition below to have a chance of winning the grand prize.

Breastfeeding in England – Breastfeeding support groups

Mama Geek – Breastfeeding Support – Why it’s important and where to find it!

My gorgeous boys – Breastfeeding: Where to get support

Breast 4 babies – Ten Things My Midwife or Health Visitor Never Told Me About Breastfeeding

Diary of the Milkshake Mummy –  Together everyone achieves more

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