With the Christmas holidays and moving house, writing about hilarious toddlerisms has slipped to the back of my mind. That’s not to say that Andrew hasn’t been coming up with them – if anything they come thicker and faster every day. Here’s a selection of the ones I remembered to write down…
For about a week before Christmas, Andrew got very into watching the film Snow Buddies. If you haven’t had the pleasure of viewing this, it’s a typical kids film – totally unbelievable and twee but quite cute and teaches a good ‘moral of the story’. At one point some puppies in a freight container fall out of an aeroplane and a parachute opens up to ensure they land safely. I know, I told you it was unbelievable! Andrew got very excited about this and jumped up and down shouting “Look, there’s a tent on that box, a bit like a hot air balloon, that’s funny..hahaha!” I can see his logic, it did look tent-ish, probably more like a tent than a parachute! The props department may well gave been on a tight budget.
Recently he’s become interested in what we’re going to eat for our next meal. I usually have some idea, even if I make up the exact dish as I go along when it comes to cooking. One evening, I was planning a cottage pie (well actually a poultryman’s pie as I use turkey mince), so I told him that when the inevitable question arose.
A: What we gunna have for tea?
Me: cottage pie
A: sausage pie?
Me: no, cottage pie
A: pottage pie?… is that like shepherd’s pie?
Me: no, COTTage pie, but it is like shepherds pie, that’s right!
A: ah…. like a house?
Me: yes, I see the link in your mind!
Our old flat wasn’t exactly well endowed with internet connectivity. It’s a long story, but even Virgin wouldn’t dig up our road, despite being in the middle of built-up Cambridge. We call it ‘narrowband’, you get the point. So often when watching youtube, particularly in the evening before tea, the connection would fail and we’d get lots of stop starting (or just stopping most of the time). I would explain to Andrew that our internet wasn’t working and we’d have to try again later or watch a DVD, which I knew would be a much more pleasurable viewing experience. One day, however, when he was watching a DVD, the picture started to jump, probably due to grubby fingerprints on the disc (can’t think how they got there!) So he exclaimed: “our internets are not working!”, to which my response was to try and explain that he was in fact watching a DVD. A quick wipe of the disc and all was right again – Andrew’s reaction: “Yay, our internets are working!” This isn’t the only example in his speech which shows that he thinks “internets” is a plural. I find this interesting; it’s like he’s heard “internet’s” a lot (as in “our internet’s not working” or “our internet’s gone wrong”), and reasoned that this ’s’ on the end means it’s a plural. That’s all I can think of right now at least.
Another (more fathomable) piece of toddler reasoning came in the form of his name for a pine wreath on a friend’s front door at Christmas: “Mummy look, it’s a Christmas circle!” Can’t argue with that – it looked like bits of Christmas tree made into a circle shape.
I love a bit of regional variation in language. My favourite example, having grown up in Coventry, is the bread roll – there are so many different words for this, depending on where you grew up, and only in Coventry is it a ‘batch’. Despite living here for a few weeks before our move to Birmingham (where the bread roll is a ‘cob’), I still haven’t heard Andrew say ‘batch’. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he does before we move, he’s like a linguistic sponge at the moment. Anyway, my point about Andrew here was his funny moment involving a fairy cake (as I would call it) or ‘bun’ as Daddy’s family, who live in Devon, call it. He was playing tea parties with Grandma, who asked if he’d like a bun with his cup of tea. His reply: “yes please, I’d like a bum with my cuppa tea!” Bit of a bum deal to get one of those with your tea time beverage if you ask me! To be fair though, I don’t think he’s heard them called ‘buns’ very often, at least not since he’s been able to talk back, as Daddy has accommodated to my word and we just call them (little or fairy) cakes.
On Christmas day, of course it was Andrew who liked playing with Joel’s new toy kitchen the most, and Joel who liked playing with Andrew’s new easel the most – this is one inevitable fact about similar aged siblings. Andrew’s attempt to coerce us into buying him one was thus:
“When I’m 8, I can have a rainbow…
When I’m 9, I can have a football…
When I’m 10, I can have a little cooker like Joel’s!”
If he’s willing to wait that long, I’m happy – he’ll no doubt go off the idea when he hits double figures. I too have no idea where the rainbow bit came from!
And finally, one from the past week. We’ve found a fantastic soft play at a garden centre, and on Monday mornings parents/carers and toddlers can go for free as part of a scheme to help get them out of the house and meet others in the same situation. This was what I was talking with Granny about after she discovered it online, and as Andrew was there, we told him we would go to free soft play one day soon. Later, when I asked him what he wanted to do the next day, he requested: “I’d like to go to three soft plays” Wot so funee?